As I sat here this morning taking in a cup of liquid heaven, I decided to surf a little bit in hopes of finding somewhere on the net where people in similar situations such as myself can find some peace. Boy, did I find a great place.
I clicked on a link for a group named F.R.A.M.E.D. (Family Rights And Many Ending Discrimination). What I found there was an oasis in the desert.
The forum addresses the concerns and frustrations of those who put their children's welfare first but, for whatever reason, experience the anguish of having been played by the system like a Stradavarius. Also available on the site is a group of links to many wonderful resources on various topics such as representing pro se, domestic violence and PFA's, and child support issues. It's like I was meant to find this site.
I highly recommend that anyone who is tired of hitting an informational wall and running in circles give this forum a look. You will not be sorry you did!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
My Story
Fair and equal treatment under the law. It's something this country's founders had intended for all citizens to have access to. It wasn't a concept intended for only the wealthy to benefit from. Unfortunately, in today's society, there are those who get the short end of the deal due to circumstances beyond their control. I'm one of those people.
I was married to my now ex-husband for 16 years, and we were together for almost 20. We had two beautiful children, built a home, and had four vehicles in the driveway. On the surface, it was a fairy tale life. Behind closed doors, it was a living hell.
My ex is a man who feels the need to control and who is concerned about life's pitfalls only with regard to how they affect him. I had a 9 p.m. phone curfew because after that it was "his time". Forget the fact that a lot of the time he was supposedly working. His philosophy was that it was still "his time", and he should have access to me whenever he wanted it. Getting my hair done the way I wanted? Not without insults. According to the ex, I should've worn my hair the way HE wanted. Getting it done my way prompted comments such as "You look like a guy." or "I hate it.". If I made a mistake, I was asked how stupid I could be and belittled to tears. Friends never asked me to go out with them as they knew that my phone would constantly be ringing asking when I was coming home. I was told that any free time I had I should've wanted to spend with him.
In the end, I asked myself one question: Do I want to live the rest of my life miserably? I did the one thing I knew would get me out of that relationship. I had relations with another man. Little did I know that I had been followed by a private investigator assigned to the task of following me even before I had been in contact with this other man. I thought my freedom was in sight.
I moved out with our daughter to my own place approximately 10 minutes from the ex. We hashed out terms of a settlement, I got a job, and the divorce went through uncontested. I was free to blaze my own trail through life. For the time being.
Eventually, I met a wonderful guy. We did the weekend commute thing for about a year. We had our ups and downs like everyone else. Most of the downs were due to the fact that the ex couldn't accept that I had moved on with my life. We had decided that we were going to get a place together in the city closer to his work as it was easier for me to transfer to another store. We signed a lease, I put in for a transfer, and I informed the ex of our plans. Things from this point got very ugly.
Through his attorney, my ex was able to secure an order of ne exeat. That meant that I couldn't move my daughter out of the county without going through the court system. The fact that I was moving to the next county was irrelevant. Not the next country, not across the state, not across this country. I tried to appeal to the ex's sense of reason by offering to work out a reasonable custody and visitation schedule that I would even let his attorney draft. No dice. He informed me that he didn't have children to have them taken away from him. Our teenage son had decided to stay with dad, so our daughter was the only issue.
On Memorial Day of 2011, we had gotten into an argument about where he could pick up our daughter after she had been with me. He wanted me to make the 1 1/2 hour drive to return her, and I had asked that he meet me halfway. There was no transportation provision in the settlement agreement, so we drew the battle lines. Late into the night, I told the ex that we would continue negotiating the next day. On Tuesday, he asked if I was returning her. I said "Yes. To a halfway point." He wouldn't have it. His attorney filed an emergency contempt petition saying that I violated the ne exeat order by not having her in school on Tuesday. Yeah, she would've missed out on turning in her books and extra play time because it was the last week of school. I was ordered to be in court three days later without any paperwork. My service was by a phone call from my ex. In the end, I was found in contempt of the order and sanctioned $250 to be paid to my ex's attorney. That's what you get when you can't afford private counsel and make too much to qualify for pro bono services.
I was able to find an attorney to represent me at the relocation hearing in August of 2011. We had filed a relocation petition to allow my daughter to move with me. We argued that I had better access to autism services (She's high-functioning but could still benefit from services.), the school district she would attend with me had a better record of learning support kids doing much better on testing, and, almost to the age of puberty, I was better able to help her learn to care for herself when her menstrual cycle started. Despite our best effort and the fact that my ex testified that our teenage son (also high-functioning autistic) had "outgrown" his autism and that my ex was unemployed, the judge on the case denied my petition and awarded custody to my ex on the grounds that I hadn't proven her life would be better with me. I cried until I was sick. I was awarded four days a month with her, and I was ordered to provide all transportation as the judge said that I didn't HAVE to move to the adjacent county. So what? I was supposed to stay under the rule of my ex or lose my kids? I would not let my ex think that he could continue to control me by using the kids. I have since followed the order though it frustrates me to no end.
Forward to Christmas of 2011. My ex and I had modified the visitation schedule at Thanksgiving as Thanksgiving had fallen on "his weekend". The modification had then had Christmas weekend falling on "my weekend". I offered him all day Christmas Eve until 10 p.m. when I would keep the kids until noon on Tuesday the 27th. He absolutely refused stating that he would not lose Christmas morning with the kids. I arrived at the exchange spot at 5 p.m. on Friday the 23rd (the start of my time) and found no one. Phone calls went unanswered to both his home and cell phones. In light of the fact that I had a copy of the order in my hand, I called law enforcement and was promptly told that they didn't handle domestic situations. I begged them to please enforce the order of custody, but they said no. I was backed into a corner with no recourse.
On Tuesday the 27th, I once again represented myself and filed a petition of contempt against my ex for denying me my allotted time. The hearing was scheduled for January 10 of this year, and I was anxious to have him held accountable. His attorney filed for a continuance (which was granted), and the hearing was moved to March 9...almost three months after the fact.
Last Friday, I arrived at the courthouse in plenty of time to collect my thoughts and organize my evidence to present before the judge. Keep in mind that the same judge was presiding at the previous two courtroom encounters. At this point, I was 0 for 2.
Before the proceedings, I was approached by my ex's attorney and asked if I was being represented. I told him that I was arguing the case pro se (on my own behalf). He then proceeded to ask why we were there, what did I expect to gain, and, basically, question me in the waiting area in front of a room full of people. When I said I wasn't going to engage in matters there, he stormed off like a 2-year-old, yelling the whole way. Next thing I know, I have sheriff's deputy escorting me into the courtroom for the hearing. I can only assume that the attorney made me look like a loose cannon and troublemaker and asked for the sheriff's deputy to make sure I didn't get out of line.
In the courtroom, I presented the facts to the judge. At one point in the hearing, I actually had to stop the proceedings and ask that opposing counsel refrain from eye-rolling, making faces, and dramatic gestures. The judge said he saw nothing and that he couldn't make the attorney look at me in any certain way. Appalled, I at least had it entered into the transcript. Score one for me. For the time being.
At the end of the hearing, my ex was found to be in contempt of the court order for his antics at Christmas. I was glad to finally have won with this judge...or so I thought. My ex's contempt charge carried NO SANCTIONS. No fines, no apologies, no jail time...nothing. I was in contempt, $250. He's in contempt, 0. My disappointment turned to anger and frustration. And that is where I'm at today.
When one has the resources to afford private counsel, they can afford the best. When one has meager resources, they get free legal help. What about those of us in the middle? Aren't we entitled to the same treatment under the law despite the fact that most of the time we are representing ourselves? Not in this judge's courtroom, and I'm sure there are plenty of other cases just like mine. I've decided to take action.
I'm not going to elaborate on the action I've taken as you never know who may be reading. Trust me, though. I've definitely gotten together a game plan to let it be known that I will NOT be treated with disrespect and tolerate such blatant bias. It goes against everything our legal system was built upon.
If you've made it this far, I want to say "thanks" for your time and patience in reading this. I hope to hear from others who have fallen through the cracks and their stories. Together, maybe we can make a difference. Justice depends on it.
I was married to my now ex-husband for 16 years, and we were together for almost 20. We had two beautiful children, built a home, and had four vehicles in the driveway. On the surface, it was a fairy tale life. Behind closed doors, it was a living hell.
My ex is a man who feels the need to control and who is concerned about life's pitfalls only with regard to how they affect him. I had a 9 p.m. phone curfew because after that it was "his time". Forget the fact that a lot of the time he was supposedly working. His philosophy was that it was still "his time", and he should have access to me whenever he wanted it. Getting my hair done the way I wanted? Not without insults. According to the ex, I should've worn my hair the way HE wanted. Getting it done my way prompted comments such as "You look like a guy." or "I hate it.". If I made a mistake, I was asked how stupid I could be and belittled to tears. Friends never asked me to go out with them as they knew that my phone would constantly be ringing asking when I was coming home. I was told that any free time I had I should've wanted to spend with him.
In the end, I asked myself one question: Do I want to live the rest of my life miserably? I did the one thing I knew would get me out of that relationship. I had relations with another man. Little did I know that I had been followed by a private investigator assigned to the task of following me even before I had been in contact with this other man. I thought my freedom was in sight.
I moved out with our daughter to my own place approximately 10 minutes from the ex. We hashed out terms of a settlement, I got a job, and the divorce went through uncontested. I was free to blaze my own trail through life. For the time being.
Eventually, I met a wonderful guy. We did the weekend commute thing for about a year. We had our ups and downs like everyone else. Most of the downs were due to the fact that the ex couldn't accept that I had moved on with my life. We had decided that we were going to get a place together in the city closer to his work as it was easier for me to transfer to another store. We signed a lease, I put in for a transfer, and I informed the ex of our plans. Things from this point got very ugly.
Through his attorney, my ex was able to secure an order of ne exeat. That meant that I couldn't move my daughter out of the county without going through the court system. The fact that I was moving to the next county was irrelevant. Not the next country, not across the state, not across this country. I tried to appeal to the ex's sense of reason by offering to work out a reasonable custody and visitation schedule that I would even let his attorney draft. No dice. He informed me that he didn't have children to have them taken away from him. Our teenage son had decided to stay with dad, so our daughter was the only issue.
On Memorial Day of 2011, we had gotten into an argument about where he could pick up our daughter after she had been with me. He wanted me to make the 1 1/2 hour drive to return her, and I had asked that he meet me halfway. There was no transportation provision in the settlement agreement, so we drew the battle lines. Late into the night, I told the ex that we would continue negotiating the next day. On Tuesday, he asked if I was returning her. I said "Yes. To a halfway point." He wouldn't have it. His attorney filed an emergency contempt petition saying that I violated the ne exeat order by not having her in school on Tuesday. Yeah, she would've missed out on turning in her books and extra play time because it was the last week of school. I was ordered to be in court three days later without any paperwork. My service was by a phone call from my ex. In the end, I was found in contempt of the order and sanctioned $250 to be paid to my ex's attorney. That's what you get when you can't afford private counsel and make too much to qualify for pro bono services.
I was able to find an attorney to represent me at the relocation hearing in August of 2011. We had filed a relocation petition to allow my daughter to move with me. We argued that I had better access to autism services (She's high-functioning but could still benefit from services.), the school district she would attend with me had a better record of learning support kids doing much better on testing, and, almost to the age of puberty, I was better able to help her learn to care for herself when her menstrual cycle started. Despite our best effort and the fact that my ex testified that our teenage son (also high-functioning autistic) had "outgrown" his autism and that my ex was unemployed, the judge on the case denied my petition and awarded custody to my ex on the grounds that I hadn't proven her life would be better with me. I cried until I was sick. I was awarded four days a month with her, and I was ordered to provide all transportation as the judge said that I didn't HAVE to move to the adjacent county. So what? I was supposed to stay under the rule of my ex or lose my kids? I would not let my ex think that he could continue to control me by using the kids. I have since followed the order though it frustrates me to no end.
Forward to Christmas of 2011. My ex and I had modified the visitation schedule at Thanksgiving as Thanksgiving had fallen on "his weekend". The modification had then had Christmas weekend falling on "my weekend". I offered him all day Christmas Eve until 10 p.m. when I would keep the kids until noon on Tuesday the 27th. He absolutely refused stating that he would not lose Christmas morning with the kids. I arrived at the exchange spot at 5 p.m. on Friday the 23rd (the start of my time) and found no one. Phone calls went unanswered to both his home and cell phones. In light of the fact that I had a copy of the order in my hand, I called law enforcement and was promptly told that they didn't handle domestic situations. I begged them to please enforce the order of custody, but they said no. I was backed into a corner with no recourse.
On Tuesday the 27th, I once again represented myself and filed a petition of contempt against my ex for denying me my allotted time. The hearing was scheduled for January 10 of this year, and I was anxious to have him held accountable. His attorney filed for a continuance (which was granted), and the hearing was moved to March 9...almost three months after the fact.
Last Friday, I arrived at the courthouse in plenty of time to collect my thoughts and organize my evidence to present before the judge. Keep in mind that the same judge was presiding at the previous two courtroom encounters. At this point, I was 0 for 2.
Before the proceedings, I was approached by my ex's attorney and asked if I was being represented. I told him that I was arguing the case pro se (on my own behalf). He then proceeded to ask why we were there, what did I expect to gain, and, basically, question me in the waiting area in front of a room full of people. When I said I wasn't going to engage in matters there, he stormed off like a 2-year-old, yelling the whole way. Next thing I know, I have sheriff's deputy escorting me into the courtroom for the hearing. I can only assume that the attorney made me look like a loose cannon and troublemaker and asked for the sheriff's deputy to make sure I didn't get out of line.
In the courtroom, I presented the facts to the judge. At one point in the hearing, I actually had to stop the proceedings and ask that opposing counsel refrain from eye-rolling, making faces, and dramatic gestures. The judge said he saw nothing and that he couldn't make the attorney look at me in any certain way. Appalled, I at least had it entered into the transcript. Score one for me. For the time being.
At the end of the hearing, my ex was found to be in contempt of the court order for his antics at Christmas. I was glad to finally have won with this judge...or so I thought. My ex's contempt charge carried NO SANCTIONS. No fines, no apologies, no jail time...nothing. I was in contempt, $250. He's in contempt, 0. My disappointment turned to anger and frustration. And that is where I'm at today.
When one has the resources to afford private counsel, they can afford the best. When one has meager resources, they get free legal help. What about those of us in the middle? Aren't we entitled to the same treatment under the law despite the fact that most of the time we are representing ourselves? Not in this judge's courtroom, and I'm sure there are plenty of other cases just like mine. I've decided to take action.
I'm not going to elaborate on the action I've taken as you never know who may be reading. Trust me, though. I've definitely gotten together a game plan to let it be known that I will NOT be treated with disrespect and tolerate such blatant bias. It goes against everything our legal system was built upon.
If you've made it this far, I want to say "thanks" for your time and patience in reading this. I hope to hear from others who have fallen through the cracks and their stories. Together, maybe we can make a difference. Justice depends on it.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
This Blog's Intention
Hello to you, and thank you for visiting this site. I've created this site as a means of support for those who have been the recipients of injustice within the judicial system. I hope to find not only some source of comfort to ease the sting of a legal smack in the face but maybe some therapeutic sense of being that writing has always brought me.
Before I go any further, I have to clarify something. This site is NOT intended to be used as a forum by those who have committed despicable acts, been convicted, and are looking for a place to say "I was framed!". My target audience is comprised of those who have HONESTLY trusted that justice would be served in their individual cases and, for whatever reason, have been unfairly treated by a system that is to serve those who go into a courtroom with a sense of integrity and honor. If, in your individual experience, you have gone into a legal matter with the intention of "getting over" on the system, this site is not for you. I consider myself a person of integrity and honor. It's who I am.
I pray that this blog gives someone out there who has had similar experiences some sense of hope that we can maybe put our heads together and lean on each other for support and, God willing, a possible solution.
For tonight, I'm going to close with this: Keep the faith. It's what gets us through the day. I plan on posting a more substantial piece tomorrow with more information about my experiences and thoughts.
Until then, Godspeed.
blackandgoldfan
Before I go any further, I have to clarify something. This site is NOT intended to be used as a forum by those who have committed despicable acts, been convicted, and are looking for a place to say "I was framed!". My target audience is comprised of those who have HONESTLY trusted that justice would be served in their individual cases and, for whatever reason, have been unfairly treated by a system that is to serve those who go into a courtroom with a sense of integrity and honor. If, in your individual experience, you have gone into a legal matter with the intention of "getting over" on the system, this site is not for you. I consider myself a person of integrity and honor. It's who I am.
I pray that this blog gives someone out there who has had similar experiences some sense of hope that we can maybe put our heads together and lean on each other for support and, God willing, a possible solution.
For tonight, I'm going to close with this: Keep the faith. It's what gets us through the day. I plan on posting a more substantial piece tomorrow with more information about my experiences and thoughts.
Until then, Godspeed.
blackandgoldfan
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